Juneteenth 5k

This 5k was supposed to be a celebration of the 150th anniversary of word getting to blacks in Texas about the abolition of slavery two years late. Well little could anyone imagine that racism would rear it's ugly head and that a horrific tragedy would occur in South Carolina.
A twenty one year old white supremacist walked into a African Methodist Episcopal churches bible study on a Wednesday night. He was welcomed in and sat through prayer with them then got up and shot nine of them dead. This was no ordinary church, it's roots run back to slavery and in the early 1800s a white mob burned the orginal structure to the ground. It was part of the underground railroad and held church when it was illegal to do so for blacks in this building.After hearing of this horrible event early at 1am on thursday morning  i knew i had to do something.
My juneteenth walk was supposed to be private but i reached out to my running group where i am the only diversity posting. We have a few latinas but they are mostly not from this country and have no knowledge of America's southern history. Still I thought id share a healing walk with them something to strengthen not divide us. I knew it was late notice and father's day weekend but i made an event on our facebook group anyway.
Early Saturday morning i arrived to no one at the meeting place. I got out of the car, retrieved my flag and said a prayer. I thanked God for the beautiful day too and then i set off.
After one mile my phone started buzzing. I had messages and as usaul i thought they could wait, im walking lol. When the phone vibrated i wondered if it was my mom and hurried to answer. Nope,
it was surprise rewarded with two sole sisters calling to say they were driving over to walk with me after they completed a training run. A third sent her love and promised to run with me in spirit doing her  Sunday miles.
So I started the first two miles alone before my sister MRTT crew showed up. I took that time to slowly warm up the knee. I tried something new by not wearing any socks. It was great for two miles but i would not do it again. In fact the only reason i did it was that all of my running sock were drying  after being washed the night before. The decision didn't effect my speed but my knee did begin to give me warning pains that i should not go on. I was stupid to ignore them but i did slow down and trudged on.
Then I was blessed with many who were out walking showing their support. One lady made the sign of the cross when she talked about the tradegy,another wanted a picture.
I started to feel the heat around thirty minutes in but i wasn't keeping time. When the running group ladies finally found me we had an enjoyable conversation.  I felt honored to have caring people come out and share with me. This is who Iam, a woman who is determined to live a life of joy not hate. The best way i can show honor to those that suffered the middle passage, slavery, jim crow and lingering racism is to meet the world with peace in my heart. Yes i was hurting but the simple act of those who walked with me showed i was not alone. Good truimps evil everytime. Thank you ladies you are awesome.

Memorial Day 5k

It's Monday memorial day to be exact and 6:58 as i write. I wanted to sign up for a local race but mom is sick. She won't say what only that she just feels bad but we've been battling an assortment of ailments  for sometime now. Every setback in her health draws her closer to the brink. To say I 'm concerned is an understatement.
I ve decided i won't go run, i have a headache and a heartache. Racing has saved me from dispare yet i struggle to overcome guilt and the need to do some selfish things for myself. So I will go out today because i have to. God is in control of the situation and i need to just accept that fact. Today i will walk not for any other reason than deep down i know mom would want me to.
UPDATE
Yes i did take a walk that honored those that gave all at the local veterns museum. I walked the grounds, toured the memorial gardens, strolled down the boardwalk and enjoyed a lovely water view then called it a day.
I wanted to do a 5k but it was way to hot. This walker can't wait to hit the asphalt and chase some bling.
#3.1,6.2,13.1

I run 4 good pizza

Last December was a tough month for me and i was not in my right mind when i signed up for a race that offered no finisher bling. I saw bling for the race in the running store but in my state of dismay had not realized it was only award medals.
So yesterday i ran the viera pizza race and got nothing but a shirt. Okay i had the satisfaction of finishing my first race since March but i would have liked a reward. Im not ashamed to walk for bling and seeing a seven year old win a 500 dollar prize and a bracelet  that i claimed for myself made it even worst. Yes I am laughing sort of over the last statement but hey i need rewards.
Even the pizza was awful hardly any cheese and they must have skimped on seasoning. I only ate two tiny square pieces from a tray i witnessed them bring out. I cant eat food people pick over and most people o observed didn't take a napkin to grab the pizza either, yuk. One guy even used the side of the table to wipe his hands with napkins in sight. Thanks for reminding me why i never eat race food dude.
Honestly though i just feel blessed and grateful that i can still walk races.  I felt so good i even walked slow/fast intervals without to much pain.
Now for the first time in months i have nothing on my race calander but one thing still hold true. The next event will be fullfilling and the bling will be showcase worthy. Im working on my speed too as the back of the pack sucks.

Hiatus

My knee is not in the best shape after last months miles. I really pray i won't need surgery or worst a replacement part. Cutting is never a minor procedure and given a choice I'd take a scope over major work. So i have decided to just rest up for April and see how i feel.
Im going to attempt some water exercises and some upper body workouts to keep me fit and hopefully this walker will be back at it soon.
Im already going stir crazy on the weekends with nowhere to go. Now i avoid stressing about it because  i disabled Facebook.  Seeing all those i finished my race postings was just to upsetting. Here's to a good rest for my knees and finishing the goal i started last year.

Rewards

Its been a week since my last race entry. I had to take one week off just to rest because seventy miles in fourteen days was a bit much for me.
I have spent  my time thinking not only of my activism but of how i will enter this decade of my life being a doer and bridge builder. When i say builder im talking so much more than race and natoonality. In this age of the internet we have lost many venues to have civil conversations face to face.
When i enter a race that type of human interaction comes back. People come from all over and within any crowd there is a chance of connecting to whats good in the human spirit.  Through the toughest struggles of my life came the strength to make it to the next day. It is my faith that keeps me going but living the word powers my soul.
In the gate i learned a lesson that i knew but hadn't practice. I needed a buddy in that race to push me.Despite determination sometimes we all need a push from another persom to make it. At the end of my journey I took inspiration from all those around me and that was exactly how i made it through.
I saw a medal that described it so much i had to have it. This is not a blog where i sell things, if it doesn't  fit into my experience its not on here. I might be to personal but believe me when i say Im honest in my failures and triumphs. I will never lose if I'm always making an effort. I did those miles and im proud.

I want to thank these two ladies for coming along and helping me put my show back on the road

To keep me inspired i got this and as the miles added up i realized i hadn't lost the experience of going to selma i gained a greater victory at home.

Day 7

I tossed and turned all night never really getting any rest. When my alarm went off i felt relieved. At three in the morning it didn't take long to hop on the interstate. vehicles were few and far in between each other on I -95 making it practically empty. Talk about a rarity in Jacksonville. I had no trouble finding the exit or the staduim. As i turned into the parking lot i realized i was basically alone. About fifteen minutes later cars began to trickle in and i felt better. I settled in and arranged my water belt which had everything from a first aid kit,mints and a wallet stuffed in various pockets. By the time the sun was hitting the horizon i was ready to leave the car. I noticed that people had started setting up tents and tailgating. Many were dressed up in matching team colors and T-shirts. There were twosomes and large groups of friends that were out to have a good time. Reading the backs of some of their shirts i discovered they were running for the sick,departed, buddies and every cause you could think of. All that and the normal supply of super hero customes. The atmosphere felt more like a low key football game than a 15k race. I loved it because i have only been to small local races but on the other hand i was by myself and became a little lost in the crowd. On my way to the start line i walked though the veterans memorial located in front of the staduim. I passed various groups of BGR and thought maybe i should introduce myself but ended up just strolling by them without saying anything. That area was so crowded with groups taking pictires i was a little overwhelmed. I wish i had asked someone to take my picture now. The price of buying them is going to be steep if any turn out worth having which at this point i hope so.

Thank goodness i snapped a picture of the memirial the day before after packet pick up. So I weaved through the veterans memorial and made my way over to wave 4 corral and began pacing the lot until my pedometer read 45 miles. I was only walking nine and needed to be on target when i got my medal. By 8:50 am it was show time and when the gun sounded i moved slowly towards the final steps of the journey.

It wasn't going to be a fifteen minute day for me. Even though i had a fruit cup and banana for breakfast i knew my fuel gauge was on low. The incline on the first bridge set me back and i turned around frequently to find comfort in not being last. I was carrying the same flag i used on the walk to the Moore center. My only regret was that i took it off the pole. It was a little tricky holding on to it when my arms tired but old glory never hit the ground. Exiting the bridge i had high hopes for a great experience. This race had been on my radar for five years and now i was making it the end cap of a memorial journey. I was practically pleased the route involved bridges and as the few spectators left to cheer us back of the packers on with waves i couldn't help but notice the irony. Once the cameras leave the reason for the real struggle begins to shine through. Around this juncture in the race I was cruising steady towards the water as the early bird runners with decent times were nearing the finish with that part of the race already in their memory file. So by the time i hit the shopping district the water station people told us we could take our own water off the table. Glad i didn't need it at that point because their gloves had been who knows where by that time.

I weaved my way through the water crews cleanup and kept going. The course was not scenic in that section but i still felt good as i neared the three mile mark. Late as it was there were still people sitting by sidewalks in the neighborhoods cheering us on. Then another hill showed up. I've been in Florida to darn long to be comfortable with anything steep and i was not pleased as a mini bridge approached in the distance. For us sunshine staters it was a hill, to everyone else it was a bump in the road. Whatever you want to call it, i counted it as another assault on my calves.

On the bright side the shade from large oaks that began to line the route became a blessing as i made my way through those side streets. The temperature was hitting eighty and i was feeling every bit of it. Some people were offering water, orange slices and even sausage.

I wanted none of it, the heat was taking over and my mental state waned. I knew why i was there but i wanted to say kick rocks to this race. Instead i thought of how the marchers kept moving. When that stopped working for me i walked to the side of the road and bent over,i was thinking about resting. Two ladies who had been tailing me came up and said oh no you don't, you pushed us and now we will pull you. Thank the lord it was mile six and for a mile thats what we did, the three of ud talked and kept moving. We hit a corner jamming to a dj on course playing a Beyonce sounding song. I don't know the name but i rocked steady until i hit the final bridge.

I took one look up and realized why they call it the green monster. You struggle through an entire race and then as a reward your given what might as well be Mt Everest. As i eased closer to the monster i saw that the heat and who knows what else had claimed victims all around me. I passed a young girl waiting for medical attention but i didnt look as i passed. My focus was solely on making it to the top I stumbled over to the guardrail and tried to lean on it but my feet hurt and although i wasnt tired my knees were shot. I needed to move to stop the pain of blisters which were a result of grinding my foot to compensate for those knees being unstable. That's when the cussing began. Silently at first,then i mumbled to myself. I called on the Lord as i fought to make that hill. A lady in a nearby small struggling group i was passing said out loud you can do it to me, while i said jokingly to myself won't he do it. Even in my time of despair i can amuse myself. I knew only God could get me up and over that steep bridge. I looked in front of me at three souls that i had trailed the entire race. One of the friends was blind and was lead by the guy with the backpack. The man being lead had some trouble with needing to rest along the way and the bridge was getting to him too. Midway up his friend turned on some inspiration. Earth, Wind and Fires Shining star. Yes that snapped me into conqueror mode too. I followed them to the top passing another woman stopped for some reason. With my blister worsening they left me in the dust. I caught up to a streaker ( someone who has run every race since it started in the 80's) he looked ninty and was not happy i passed him. I turned on the jets so that his attempt to catch me would fail, not that either one of us were going fast.

The relief i felt making it to the top was short lived. The view was awesome but i couldnt linger.With a bad knee that wasn't hurting but causing me to limp, a supposedly good knee acting up and feet in need of a soaking the decent was pure torture.

I gingerly made my way down the hill in agony the entire way. At the bottom a sheriff told me the famous almost there line. He said 400 ft, not ! It was a bit more than that across the street around the staduim and then through what used to be the finish area. No one but the medal guy was there and only a few people lingered in the message tent. All the water was stacked up directly in the sun mind you it was over eighty degrees at that time and it was about a hundred yards away. I looked and there wasn't so much as a banana left. I was so tired i laid on the dirty ground unsure if i would ever gather enough strength to get back to my car. Then as i laid there with some late finishers i saw these volunteers hauling out water and bananas. I said to them i thought you were coming over to ask us if we wanted anything. They said no this is ours. Can the people who paid for and finished the race get a banana before everyone else snatches the vitals up. I hope they enjoyed their haul while i sat there starving and thirsty ( i couldn't drink hot water).

Overall this journey has been an incredible humbling experience. For the lady and her daughter that offered me a scrunchy then had to stop before mile six, i hope you were able to continue. If not you are still awesome and for my back of the pack crew wtg we made it. I walked to honor a trek for civil rights and that voting rights act. On my sojourn i found what i knew to be true that there's still plenty of work to be done and what i needed to be reassured of was that good people rise up in crisis. May the Lord bless everyone that made this possible, i have said many times i walked alone but i never really was. I felt the ancestors with me every step of the way.

Day 6

I took the show on the road today. The orginal plan called for a few pit stops along the way but the ride to Jacksonville takes a few hours and i didn't want to miss packet pickup. So i decided to melt away the chunk of miles before the grand finale at the expo.
I wanted to get to 45 miles before  Saturdays race where i counted on polishing off the last nine of my 54 in the Gate river run 15k.
I arrived at expo a little after three, i was surprised i had no problem parking and was able head right into the exhibit hall. Received my bib and was directed to shirt pickup where i learned that they were out of womens 2x shirts.  They weren't going by size ordered but what people wanted. They had it in mens but the color was neon yellow green. I liked the fusia the women's came in, so i took large. I cant fit it but I will eventually  frame it anyway. In fact I wish now that i had asked for a small.
After getting my swag bag taken care of i entered the expo part. It was the first time i have attended a large expo where i could buy shoe brands and gear.
I tried on hokas they didnt feel or fit right.The girls at the booth were awesome though. Looked at a few others brands too but nothing caught my fancy. I also spotted belts that held water bottles, cell phones and accessories. The young lady selling those was a good pitch person and if i hadn't already seen them cheaper in my local sporting good store i would have taken one home.Glad i finally got to see what people in my running groups were talking about though. Then i remembered the day was all about finishing those miles.
The expo area wasnt large though and i wasn't able to walk off much and so i left to do some laps in the parking lot. Now i know I looked tore up, my pants were to big and i had on a dinky training tshirt. I would not have shown up like that but i was tired and frankly was in character mode. I was so deep into getting my fifty four i vowed not to change my shoes or style of dress until after the last mile was done. I didn't know anyone in Jacksonville anyway.
Well, on my way out i ran into a lady from BGR Orlando. Twenty thousand runners and i see one of the few people I ve met at races. thats my luck. On my way out i pasted this guy who for some reason liked playing the Flintstones theme. To funny because yabba dabba do was not how i was feeling knowing i needed ten more miles before race day.

I made tracks to the side of the stadium parking lot that would serve as the starting corrals then proceeded to cross off 8.5 of the 10 i needed. I was losing daylight so i walked back to the expo area where a lady stopped me to offer her post meal ticket. I normally don't eat race food but decided to check it out. Two young girls sat in front of the beer trailer with a large uncovered bread basket of dinner rolls on one side and nasty looking ziti in red sauce in warming trays on the other. I saw just a few people eating washed out looking iceburg salads along with the pasta at the tables. It was late and everything was wrapping up so i passed on the free meal, regifted the ticket and got in my ride knowing i had one and a half miles to do before the race the next day.