Addiction

I don't know when it happened but I'm hooked on racing. I know Im not fast but just thinking about the finishers high makes me excited.
I don't mean to sugar coat my plight during the race though. The start is the worst for me.That's the point where everyone and their great grandma passes me ( no joke). Even walkers clear out on me. Ive come to accept this but it is the span between start and finish that i crave. I roll in so many emotions after the crowd of runners clear that i swear I'm sybil. Only im not sure how many voices i talk to myself in. Go ahead laugh but the conversation goes something like this.
"Why the heck did you signup for this". "This whole thing is bullcrap". "I hate this course". " Who is that man with the sexy legs. He's not all skinny like those other guys." "You can do this girl, God gotcha back". "Good cause im not feeling it." " its a great day for a run, what nice views. I should take a picture,  naw". "Wait a minute who the.. is that a straggler, thank God im not last". " Let me speed up so they don't catch me". Im thirsty but no way ill drink that water with their nasty fingers in the cup." "How much longer is this damn course i know it's measured wrong". "oh theres people at the finish line, let me speed up like i ran this thing."  "What the world, this isn't the medal i saw on the website. What you mean that was last years picture and why is it so little. Next time im doing the half i need serious bling".
Yes i know its crazy but the mind does what it has to do to get( through. I don't have anyone waiting for me to cross the line so when i do the most exhilarating things have already happened to me. Things like making it up a hill, surviving a bridges steep incline or beating the heat. So as i watch the post on my running groups sites i become hyped. I want to be there at those races too.
Its been three long weeks now and i have counted three major races i could not attend. Im ready to train and get back my mojo,the road is calling.