Live your life

Yesterday a picture was posted on the NBMA page on Facebook. An over weight woman of color in flip flops jumped into a marathon race with a group of skinny male athletes.
At first i didnt get the posting,  i thought it might have been photo shopped. Frankly with my sense of humor i was going to say it was me. Upon review though she could never be me. I'm not spontaneous enough to crash a race. I'd be afraid of getting arrested or worst shown on media around the world. So to say the least i loved her free spirit but no the defiance . She decided hey what the heck Im going for it and as the saying goes, just did it. I think we all would love to have one adventurous person like her in our lives. Yes they are a little off but painting outside the box has it's place at least once in every life time.
As i looked at that woman in the picture one thing stuck out, her awful clothes. When your heavy you are basically punished by designers who insist on filling plus sized labels with bold flower prints and elastic waistband polyester pants. After a few washings you look sloppy no matter how neat and clean you really are. That's what drove me to the mens department for tshirts and jeans for years. I finally got sick of it and decided to start walking myself back to health. A woman needs to feel femine and i couldnt in mens pants.
The problem is, being heavy doesn't always come from gluttony in a pure form. We eat our troubles away in many situations to mask other problems. Besides the old fashion story of simply over eatting, we gain from stress too. Sometimes medicines and other health problems contribute.
Im a caregiver with a bad knee. Once i found my way back to recovering from this trauma i decided to give running a chance. Even in my younger "trim" days i hated races but everything in it's time i suppose. The memory of going shopping one day and seeing a whopper of a woman looking back at me as i passed a mirror was the straw that broke the camels back for me. My heart broke looking at her and still does.
Yes i love and respect myself but i need to take care of me too. Deciding to putmyself first and being unselfish enough to understand what that means was difficult. I was hell bent on doing the right thing for my family and totally stepped off the road called my life. That act was not and never will be substainable to any human.One must live a rich life not material wise but spiritually. I had to rediscover me and dance in the sun again. In other words start taking better care of me.
To the sister in the picture thank you. You reminded me that i used to follow my dreams and revel in an occasional whim. The older I've gotten the less i find the desire to do that. I realize that that's what gives life its kick. I get it now, just because I cut the salt out of my daily routine doesn't mean i have to give up the spice. Today i vow to just find my joy wherever it maybe, the heck with what people may think i just need to do me