Thanksgiving trot

November has been a heck of month. I've experienced the lowest of any low in my entire life and then just pure gratitude. Through it all my faith has kept me going. So as i seasoned the duck and washed the collards i had one thought. Thank you lord for the blessing on this day. I still have my mother to share this life with and it really does feel good just seeing her about the house.
I even managed to get out for a premeal trot. It was supposed to be a 5k but didn't turn out as i had planned. The weather was wonderful though. After a week that gave us an abundance of rain we had a sunny bird day. It started out in the high 50s but by the time i finished my walk the temperature had risen into the sixties.. Awesome weather for an almost turkey trot as i named it.
I'll be truthful about the walk. In my heart i wanted to go but my spirit wasn't feeling it. I knew within my first steps it was not going to be an average outing for me. I was slow but it was more of a mental state rather than a physical one. In the past three weeks since my last event i have mauled over doing speed work instead of distance but i never hit the road until Thursday. I made my way to the course mulling over how many laps i should do. I thought to myself just keep the 3 mile routine going but by the half mile mark there was no denying a shorter version was in the cards.
I wasn't tired, flat, hurting or bored. Something had happened to me and as i walked it hit me. Races just arent important in my life now. At least they dont excite me like they did when i began this journey.Life changing events can change and shape you, mine left me questioning what's next. The desire to keep a busy race schedule is gone but my continued comittment to complete the events on this seasons race calendar remains. As 2015 draws closer i will continue to tie up loose ends from 2014 and look towards new challenges in the new year. I have no intention of letting the fifty race promise go unfulfilled though
After all i need to stick with the rediscovering my lifes journey mission.Thats why i felt joy when this week my mother hugged and kissed me then said she loved me. That wasn't unusual but it was a bit different this time. She wanted to thank me for all i do for her. She spoke those words through terribly sad eyes and its pain touched my soul. Last week i had another surprisr when moms sister my aunt sent me a Thanksgiving card. She never writes notes just signs it love from her family. This time her special message read thanks for being a good daughter. Her words meant the world to me, not for what she said but that she said it. Receiving her note was a very wonderful surprise. I broke down in tears and it was liberating. We all have a need to feel appreciated if not loved. I hadn't realized i was going about my life not asking for support until that moment. I regifted a friend on facebook with that advice when she wanted to know if asking for encouragement was arrogant. Heck no i said,its a basic human need.
Now i remembered why i started running, I had to gift myself an outlet. I had forgotten to be selfish enough to love me first. Thats why when running didnt pan out for me i switched to walking. I wasn't going to let the slight difference between the two keep me from the sport. Besides, I learned walking fast was a more syitable style of movement for me so i made the adjustment and kept working out and entering races for enjoyment. I have found the that If i worried about a sick parent at home the happiness i get activity would have be moot. I need one hour just for me and in that time i choose to shoot for a milage goal that challenges me. My time really doesnt matter finishing does.
So i took my time on the Turkey trot. I snapped pictures of nature, greeted strangers with happy thanksgiving and strolled along as if i hadn't a care. I did one mile and knew that was it. I regained my will to train just by defying a lack of desire. Looking down at the pedometer i saw 1.2 miles so i rounded it down to just one. It was time to get home eat and watch the game.
The day turned out to be the best Thanksgiving ever. My home was filled with love and i ate to much.I could not ask for more.
#truemeaningofthanksgiving